This may seem like an odd way to start a blog post; however, it is a topic that has been on the minds of everyone here. Legs are in fact one of the most alarming things we have had to deal with while in Uganda. Many have expressed the wish that they did not have legs. Here are all the reasons legs are problematic.
1) When riding a boda and slipping between two trucks, knees simply get in the way. It is very trying for the boda driver to have to concentrate on slipping between 20 inch gaps and have to avoid banging your knee against the truck. In fact, it’s really quite unreasonable to expect them to avoid hitting your knees against stationary vehicles all the time, accidents happen.
2) Legs are really inconvenient when it comes to rafting. Our poor thighs rarely see the light of day with all the knee-length shorts (work those cargos Jessica) and mid-calf skirts we wear. Of course they are going to burn. Just because you put a combined level of SPF 456 on them why should you expect them to not be one of the primary colors when the trip is over?
3) Legs are not helpful in the kitchen. When one is making oatmeal it is really annoying to have to worry about the loose pan not dumping water everywhere. Without legs the water could just splash wherever it pleased and not land on someone’s leg turning it yellow and purple. Oatmeal is more important the leg should have known to get out of the way or done something useful like open the oatmeal packet.
4) Back to bodas. Did you know they could harm you without moving? Yes, in fact they can. Legs are not properly designed for avoiding exhaust tubes. Exhaust tubes are made of metal. They turn really hot after the Evil Kneival of boda drivers you found has roared up and down Kayunga road. If your poorly engineered leg brushes up against it you will have a burn that turns red, followed by a lovely deadish gray color, followed by a cheery pink and brown. That will be 700 shillings.
5) If you didn’t have legs you would not trip on the lovely “paved” sidewalks of Uganda and scrape your leg. End of story. Blythe, it’s your own body’s fault you fell-stop trying to blame the gravel/steep edge/on-coming boda/marriage proposal from the taxi conductor.
6) Legs are really rude. They disrupt the nests of bed bugs that reside at the “nice” hotel in Gulu. The bed bugs have been happily nesting in said bed since the last group of HELP volunteers stayed there-approximately three weeks ago. The hotel doesn’t get a lot of visitors. Your selfish legs smashed their nice home and your mosquito net then trapped them so they couldn’t escape the Godzilla-ish monster that is your leg. It’s like putting a wall around Tokyo during Godzilla 4. You really shouldn’t be surprised that you now have 53 bug bites on your legs. I am sorry they are oozing though.